


burn your world to dust

by noblealice



Category: Women of the Otherworld - Kelley Armstrong
Genre: Gen, Male-Female Friendship, Pre-Relationship, Yuletide 2008
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-17
Updated: 2012-09-17
Packaged: 2017-11-14 10:02:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/514053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noblealice/pseuds/noblealice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam's insecure about his demon ancestry and wants to learn more about controlling the darkness within, Savannah is familiar with this worry and a small moment is shared between them before Adam sticks his foot in his mouth. Sometimes, when it comes to Savannah, oblivious Adam is oblivious.</p><p>(Savannah is 18, Adam is 28. Takes place between No Humans Involved and Waking the Witch.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	burn your world to dust

**Author's Note:**

  * For [monimala](https://archiveofourown.org/users/monimala/gifts).



> Originally posted for Yuletide 2008, written for monimala. Heavily edited because I was too embarassed by the original to re-post it anywhere without modification.

Adam was in trouble.

Sure, he’d faced off against magicians, half-demons and for one terrifying moment, he’d even stared down a stray Mutt before Clay stepped in, effectively moving him to the sidelines and saving his life.

The phone call he was about to make was by far scarier than any of those events. He’d decided to follow Paige and Lucas’ advice for once - talk to the girl and make a clean break of the relationship. It was his first time doing it, so he thought he could be forgiven for telling her over the phone. Paige didn’t say a word, only gave him a look that let him know just how much she disagreed.

Lucas said that honesty was the best policy and so he recited a highly edited version of his story, hoping that he sounded appropriately shaken up.

Fifteen minutes into the call and he was rubbing at the back of his head, looking for something to occupy his hands. This was probably the longest conversation he’d ever had with Denise and he wouldn’t be upset when it was over.

"Yeah, so now it turns out that my biological father is like, this crazy killer." He was trying his best to put the right amount of fake shock into his voice for the performance. He didn't have to worry though because as it turns out, growing up in California did have some perks; she was falling for it.

"No way. And he's tried to contact you?" _Well, not exactly_ , Adam thought. In fact, it was sort of the other way around, which was something he was hoping to keep from everyone for the time being.

The problem was that no-one _contacted_ caco-demons, let alone Lord demons like Asmondai. They were incredibly hard to summon and even then the odds weren’t good that you'd get the one you wanted. But the logistics of it all was something he couldn't really discuss with a human.

He decided to settle for telling her, "It's a little complicated." _Man, was that the understatement of the year._

"Have you talked to your mother about any of this?" Call it a son’s intuition but Adam had a pretty strong feeling that this particular topic wouldn’t go over well. He knew that his mom never regretted the one-night stand that led to his birth, but he also knew her well enough to know that her reaction to his current research would not be a friendly one. 

"That's a conversation I'd rather avoid right now, but I might go visit her. I need to think some things through first. Is it okay if we take a break? I just need some space."

"I completely understand Adam, take all the time you need."

"I knew you would, Denise. Thanks." Perfect, he thought, one less obstacle this week.

He liked the girl, really he did, but he could only date someone for a few weeks before tiring of all the lies needed to keep half of his life a secret. Maybe if he had some human friends or a human job he’d be able to blend in more easily, but he’d entrenched himself so deeply in the supernatural world that to deny it felt like denying a part of himself.

He figured that it was only a matter of time before he started dating other half-demons like himself, probably through some sort of Cabal match-making service. Of course, Paige would probably find out somehow and give him an earful about the idea before he'd even dialled the first number.

Which led him to his second obstacle this week; he needed to think of an excuse to bail on Paige and Lucas' latest investigation or he wouldn’t arrive in New York in time.

Unfortunately, a familiar voice interrupted his thought-process.

"Well done, you ripped the bandaid off nice and fast and she probably feels relieved that a serial killer’s son is no longer going to be sleeping over." The culprit behind that voice poked her head around the corner of the library he had set up in Paige and Lucas' building.

“Your delivery could have used a bit more work though, it sounded a bit forced. Anyone with an ounce of sense would have been able to tell you were lying. Badly.”

He swivelled his chair around to more easily face her, an easy grin already forming. "Well, Savannah, not everyone has the same flair for dramatics that you do." SHe entered the room and sat on his desk, legs crossed and swinging, her boots just barely missing his knees. 

“Nah, it’s because she’s human. They believe what they want to.”

“Humans have been trained over centuries to be gullible. It keeps them - and us - safe.”

She rolled her eyes, having heard a version of this lecture a hundred times before. "Ever thought of dating a non-human girl?"

He studied her face and couldn't quite dismiss the resulting image of dating _her_ fast enough for his liking. The thought caused him to frown.

“Funny, I was thinking the same thing.”

“Oh....Really?” Her smile left and she looked down to pick at her nail before glancing back up at him with a mischievous smirk. “You thinking of calling up some of Paige’s old Coven witches?”

"Nah, witches are out. Too many warts on their noses." He teased, giving her nose a small tweak that elicited a giggle. He’d missed her laugh and it was nice to be the reason behind it again. Ever since Savannah’s last birthday things had changed. 

She hadn’t been obviously crushing on him since she entered middle school but up to her birthday, there still seemed to be some left-over friendly affection. Lately, even that affection seemed to have evaporated and he didn’t enjoy the demotion. It hurt that he was now being thought of as 'that idiot Adam that deludes himself into thinking he can actually amount to anything' when he used to be 'Paige's super-cool friend Adam'.

A phone ringed in the distance and she sprinted for her desk. Since he’d never seen her run so fast for the office phone, he guessed that it was her cell. A moment passed before she was giggling again, this time for some other guy’s benefit.

He tried not to let his smile vanish too quickly, until he realised that no-one else was here to comment on it and so he was free to grimace and stick his hands in his pockets as he sulked his way back to his office. 

He had been relieved when she started dating boys her own age. He just thought she could do better than the losers she choose. Paige teased him about it, told him that he couldn’t always be her favourite, but that didn’t help squash the small, jealous part of him that was disappointed to watch her grow up and away from him. Of course, he would never in a million years admit to missing the attention she used to pay him, that would be crossing a line.

His main problem with Savannah, was that she was desperate to grow up. _Very_ desperate. He didn't mind so much her proclivity to jump head-first into action; he knew she was smart enough to take care of herself and he remembered how eager he used to feel to be taken seriously. She was bright and usually formulated the beginnings of a plan before taking on a new case. She knew to tell someone if she suspected she were headed into danger - even though she often misjudged how dangerous things could get. She didn’t call in for back-up nearly enough, but it wasn’t her welfare that he was worried about - it was her clothes.

She decided sometime last year that the best way to proclaim her new maturity was by changing her whole wardrobe. He told himself that he should have strictly guardian feelings towards her, but she had changed from the little stick of a girl he'd first met while she was being held captive. 

Did the maturing have to come with such a drastic change of clothes? And did everyone have to act so calmly about it? 

Neither Paige nor Lucas had ever taken Savannah aside to tell her that what she was wearing just wasn’t appropriate. When the two of them went on vacation to Maui, he had wanted to wrap her up in a towel right then and there. He was merely feeling protective, like.....like an older brother. Nothing more. He was just surprised that no-one else felt as protective as he did. Sean, her real brother, hadn’t made a single sound of protest upon seeing her in her first bikini and Adam glared at him the whole first day they spent on the beach. 

She was quick to realize that cleavage can manipulate male concentration far faster than many of her spells and she seemed to enjoy punishing the lesser sex with her new wardrobe of low-cut t-shirts and tanks. It was still casual, still her, but in his opinion, a little _too much_ of her.

Today she was wearing a deep blue a few shades darker than her eyes and he had to blink a couple times before it kicked in that she was talking to him across the office. 

"Earth to Adam!” 

He apologized, claiming that he’d just been too absorbed in the texts he’d been trascribing to hear her.

“Y’know, if you were anyone else, I wouldn’t believe you, but you’re geeky enough to actually find those dusty old scrolls fascinating. Anyway, the reason for my yelling is to find out what's the deal with New York."

"Excuse me?"

"I handle the phones, you doof. I know you've booked a flight.”

He sighed. It was only a matter of time before he spilled what was on his mind. Savannah seemed to be able to sense whenever he had a secret. She normally badgered him until he broke; like that time he confessed that he had fired his first and only intern because he didn't like how vulgar the guy had acted towards her. It meant that he was back to being the only employee in the research department, but it was worth it to keep scum bags like him out of the workplace.

Now he had another secret and with every attempt of Savannah's, his resolve was getting weaker. He told himself that it wasn't really his fault, if she would stop constantly bringing up the subject he’d be safe, but lately Savannah seemed to enjoy watching him squirm.

"You really need to work on your poker face. I can tell that you’re scrambling to find a lie I’ll believe. I bet that your father has to cheat at cards all the time because there is no way you can be that shitty without it being genetic and I don’t really see him as the type accept losing as an option."

Savannah had no idea how much her seemingly small, innocuous comments got under his skin. She teased him about his father while he teased her about eye of newt because laughing at the world they lived in was one of the only ways to 

Of course, the constant reminders that he wasn’t natural hurt. He knew that what flowed in his veins wasn’t strictly human but he liked to think he had more of a part in shaping who he was than his biological father. He didn’t always like being reminded of the legacy dear old dad had gifted him with.

None of this was Savannah’s fault; he’d never said a word to anyone other than Robert about his fears and he couldn’t expect her to read his mind, but this wasn’t the sort of distraction he needed right now, not when he still had things to do before leaving. 

So it was with a low growl that interrupted her next train of thought, “Just drop it!”

She studied his face, tilting her head like he was one of those modern paintings Lucas loved and no-one else understood. Her voice was pitched softer when she spoke. “All right, you don’t have to tell me about New York.”

He let out a sigh, “thank you, Savannah, that means a lot.”

“No problem. Besides, I'm more curious as to why you seem to be ahead of schedule in ditching your latest fling. Any particular reason? "

He wanted to groan or hide or slam his face on the solid surface of his desk. Only Savannah would sense his unease and change the subject to interrogate him on a subject he was even more uncomfortable with. He was too tired to do much else but grind out a few words. "Savannah, I'm not discussing my dating life with you."

"Paige thinks you push people away, you know." She said with a matter-of-fact tone she had probably gleaned from a new self-help guru on daytime TV. She sounded so formal that he had to choke back a laugh.

"What? I do not!" This was not the time for this conversation and Adam normally kept a cool head, but after tracking down a reliable contact and then dealing with the airline, he was at the end of his patience and not in the mood to argue. Especially since Paige was probably right, as loathe was he was to admit it. 

"Yeah, you kind of do."

"Well, I've got a good fucking reason to!" With that he stood up from his chair and slapped his hand down onto the table and some dark part of him was overjoyed to see the pages ignite suddenly in a flash of sparks before crumbling to ash.

He didn't need to see Savannah's face to guess how she must feel; he'd seen the same fear on countless other faces after losing his temper. He took a quick step back, retreating into the corner of the room and took a couple deep breaths to cool down. This is why he kept people at a distance, when emotions got involved his already temperamental powers got less controlled. All it would take is one mistake....

He had spent years in and out of doctor's offices as a kid and the only thing he got out of all the different sessions, other than his step-dad, was that there was no cheat to calm his temper - he just had to wait the anger out.

His only defence against the outbursts was to maintain as relaxed of an attitude toward life as possible. Savannah was aware of his Zen philosophy and seemed to have slowly moved closer, intently watching him but remaining quiet. Slowly, he felt the heat and energy seep away and pushed down the part of his brain that missed losing it. 

Savannah didn't look scared and after he felt somewhat close to normal, he managed a weak apology. "Shit. Can you not tell Paige I swore in front of you?"

"Please, it’s not like it's the first time I've heard it. Besides, she seems to have given up on reigning in my language. Picking her battles and all that."

"Thanks."

"So, what is it?"

"What?" He asked, still slightly distracted and counting under his breath.

"Your reason."

"As you might have noticed, I'm not exactly safe." He gestured to the charred remains on the table, mentally noting that it was smart of Lucas not to order any real wood furniture.

"That's bullshit, Adam." She placed her hands on her hips and continued, "you can't seriously be torturing yourself over this. Only Lucas is that self-loathing. Or, rather, he was."

"Listen, I hate to break it to you, Savannah, but you've not seen what my temper has done. I'm _dangerous_ and it’s only a matter of time before I hurt someone seriously."

While his adult life had been spent in relative comfort, he had been a small and lanky child. He soon learned that a scrawny kid with a quick temper didn't mix well. He'd had to learn to fight with his fists before too many people were burnt badly enough to be hospitalised. 

Eventually, he grew a tough skin and easy-going nature, but even now he could be triggered and then nothing stopped the fiery rage that flowed through his veins.

"Then find a black witch who can hold her own." At first he was willing to brush off her comment before recognising the emotion in her voice.

"Black witch? Savannah, that's not what--"

She cut him off before he could get far into his panicked speech. "Save it. I know that they still worry about me. About my mom’s spells.” She swallowed hard before looking him in the eyes again and he saw the determination there that wouldn’t let her cry. “They won't even let me practice with them."

"Savannah, you have to know that they trust you." In fact, he thought that the reason she was kept out of their spell-casting sessions had nothing to do with her and more to do with Lucas and Paige’s sex life.

"Still, I know what it's like to feel that there is something else, maybe something _evil_ inside of you." She reached up a hand and for a second he thought she was going to touch him before she stopped and changed her mind, pulling her fingers through her hair instead. The movement just made him realise how scary he must be.

"Well, imagine that ten-fold and then wonder if you can ever completely control it."  
He wanted to get a good look at her face, but for once, she wasn't staring defiantly at anyone and her long hair covered half of her expression.

"I mean, what if we're on a mission and something goes wrong? I'd never forgive myself."

"You think you'll hurt me? Look who you're talking to. I'm not some beach bunny you met on Spring Break." And she was right, the feelings she stirred in him were far more powerful than anything he'd felt for any of the college co-eds he'd bedded.

Again, he mentally reprimanded himself for the images that last train of thought brought on and shook his head to clear the thoughts away. "You're different. Hell, you could probably kick _my_ ass. But the girls I date are more fragile." He didn't want to investigate the small voice in the back of his head that was telling him that he should just date _her_.

"There's a simple solution, you idiot: stop dating them." She smugly looked at him waiting for praise but he hadn't heard her and was now continuing on with some difficulty. 

His focus was obviously somewhere else because he hadn't noticed that his hands were glowing menacingly. "What's worse than all of that though, is feeling _useless_. Sure, I can melt any bond someone tries to tie me with, I can give someone third-degree burns, I can incinerate locks and weapons but--"

He looked down at her to see that she was no longer blinking back tears but staring at him with an intensity he didn’t understand. "How's that going to help me _protect_ people? I hate having such a purely physical power. Not only is it fuelled by emotions that aren't exactly saintly, but it's limited to short-range effectiveness. I’ve worked with my Dad, read every book available on the topic and even visited some of the leading experts in demonology. I thought that I should work on controlling it better. Focusing the energy. Maybe by talking to another Exustio with more experience, I could expand on that.

“The only problem is that there’s not exactly a family tree I can look up. I’ll need to barter with a demi-demon, maybe Andromaulius, for the locations of some of my half brothers and sisters.” 

“So you see, this isn’t a regular trip and I need you to keep it a secret. I just don’t want to...” He sighed. ”I'm the odd man out with you three, the loser who couldn't hack it."

"Adam..."

The soft shock in her voice brought him back to the office and he realised that not only had he lost valuable time, but an ancient text as well. Her large blue eyes were staring up at him with such anxiety and it made his stomach twist. The last thing he wanted from her was pity so he straightened his spine and brushed the remaining ash from his hands.

"Alright, I get it. Stop feeling sorry for myself. You already gave me the answer and I just have to find a smart and beautiful half-demon girl with a heart of gold. She'll have to be strong enough to put me in my place but also be able to humour my over-protective tendencies. From there I'll just have to introduce her to the Wonder Couple when they return so she can feel properly inadequate because no-one can live up to Paige and Lucas. Oh yeah, and then after all that I’ll just have to cross my fingers that she'll also put up with all my issues."

"Now, Adam, you can't be too specific. Anybody would think you weren't serious. Remember, she could be a quarter-demon." He started to feel better when he saw her mouth twitch up with a smirk.

"Of course, how could I pigeonhole myself?" He even let himself relax back into his chair as his smile grew. 

He didn't want to ruin the light-hearted mood but she had a strange pull on him and the moment he did look up to see her face, he instantly regretted it. The light in her eyes was too much and any second now and he'd do something he'd regret. He had to get them back on a level playing field.

"But we're forgetting the most important thing, kiddo. She's got to have your approval! You're the only thing saving me from women who are ‘dumb as posts', remember?

"Oh, yeah. Right." He was still too distracted by his own thoughts to notice how she seemed to slump and her voice lacked it’s normal spark. 

"It's almost too bad that you don't count, isn't it?"

"Mhmm...sorry, what? Oh yeah, right. Like I'd ever date--" She waved her arms in his direction to indicate `idiot' or `jock' and he felt something deflate inside his chest. Finally, he seemed to notice that her attention was divided and he had to resist the urge to check over his shoulder for what she was staring at with so much malice. 

"You okay?"

"Huh? No. I'm fine. It's just that I think we might be giving you too much credit to keep this wonderful mystery girl.” 

“After all, you’re the one I said was as dumb as a post, not the women you date. I’m sure they’re very smart. Aside from their obvious lack of good taste in men, of course.”

“Har har.”

Jokes aside, she looked like she was still fuming about something and although he figured it had nothing to do with him, he decided it might be best to remove himself from her view when she looked like she was about to blast a particularly powerful spell his way. Whatever had made her mood shift so violently was a mystery to him, but this seemed like the perfect time to get back to work.

"Gee, thanks squirt. Always so supportive." He really wanted to lightly ruffle her silky black hair but was still confused by her sudden mood change so he settled for grazing her shoulder with his fist in a teasing punch. "Well, I should get back to reading, so..."

Before he could even finish, she had already walked out of the room with a huff. He returned to the satchel he was packing, returning to his mental list of the ingredients he’d need to summon.

" _Teenagers_." He whispered, more confused than ever.


End file.
